August 2, 2022
Learning to Be Me Without You: The Back Story
Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story.
~ Psalm 107:2
Learning To be Me Without You is a love story about a diagnosis, one last adventure, a crisis of faith that erupts on the threshold of death, and a transformed heart. It’s a story of God’s grace in the crucible of grief, and how He recovered my life from loss. It serves up hope with a pinch of humor and the wonder of discovering the presence of God in the wilderness of widowhood. Although it’s not the book I’ve always wanted to write, it is the book I had to write. Every story has a back story. And mine began with the need to unpack my nineteen-month, set-apart season by the sea after my husband died. That’s when I fell in love with a gentler and kinder Jesus.
I have journaled for most of my life. So, when Ray was diagnosed with a terminal disease for which there was no cure or effective treatment, I created a separate journal for that experience. I chronicled his disease, our move to coastal North Carolina where he could breathe better at sea level, his last hospitalization and death, and my deepest fears: that I couldn’t survive the grief of his death, and that God would not be enough. I continued to write my way through the first year of widowhood, a club no one wants to join, to discover insights about God and myself— to heal, and to remember. I feared I would forget so much, or get timelines messed up. I wanted to record my experience in real time: the events, the pain, the questions, the graces, and the healing.
I also gave myself the gift of an unlimited book budget. Stories of others who had survived and been shaped by grief inspired me. Their wisdom lent vision and expectation for my journey. As my heart began to heal, I considered what had comforted me along the way. My list was long. But words that offered language for this experience and hope for the future ranked high.
I kept writing and praying: Lord, help me show the essence of how you worked in my life so others might see You in theirs.
Family and friends read snippets—polished versions of journal entries. Publishers bought stories that are now parts of the Prologue and two chapters. Three years after Ray died, I joined a writer’s group; we met monthly for more than a year. Their response encouraged me to keep telling the story. Desire followed: I wanted to comfort others as I had been comforted—with words and language for a journey that is both personal yet universal—and shout hallelujah to the One whose relentless love has been enough.
So, I did.
Learning to Be Me Without You is being released today on Amazon. Paula’s Book
If you choose to read it, I pray this story would be a vehicle to carry you into your own story, and there experience the wonder of God’s presence as He cradles your story within His own.
Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story. We’ve all got stories. Take a few moments to consider yours. What’s one thing you’d like others to know about God’s redemptive grace in your life? Would you share it in the comments?