January 11, 2021
Resolutions Reimagined
He who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion
until the day of Christ Jesus.
~Phil. 1:6
I’m a recovering type-A—that personality style fueled by accomplishment, achievement, and a jam-packed schedule which in some twisted way elevated my sense of worth and excused my failure to respect human limitations. Recovery began with my unravelling; it happened in two parts.
Ray and I bore the scars and trophies of our shared journey through four decades of marriage, parenting, and demanding careers when we loaded the car then hit the road for a one-month beach vacation after I retired in 2014. It was a trip to celebrate endings and contemplate new beginnings. Lulled by tires thrumming as we sped east on I-70 out of Colorado, I surrendered to their invitation to savor unscripted time: no roles to play or schedules to keep. With each passing mile I slithered from the responsibilities and persona I had created over the past quarter century to escape lifeless skin that no longer fit. Before we had cleared the plains of western Kansas I turned to Ray and said, “there’s nobody I need to be anymore!”
That “aha!” cracked the fault lines of my paradigm, creating the on-ramp for what was to come. Ray’s death, eighteen months later, upended my life.
“When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces,” says author Ken Gire. “But he doesn’t put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves. Instead, he sifts through the rubble and selects some of the shards as raw material for another project—a mosaic that tells the story of redemption.”[1]
In my ensuing crucible of grief, time was measured in “breathe in, breathe out” increments—not in minutes, hours, or achievements. I embraced solitude and yielded to stillness. I waited, refusing to exert precious energy on distractions. Change was imperceptible at first. But by the time a second new year rolled around I sensed a profound difference in me.
That year I reimagined my resolutions and wrote two lists. One list enumerated specific things I wanted or needed to do—like buy a house, move, and speak at a retreat. Character qualities dominated the second: love well, comfort others, be a good friend, and keep learning. Compiling two lists showed me how doing and being fit together and gave language to my inner transformation; I was becoming an integrated woman. It was as if Jesus whispered, let’s do these things my way.
Some of the shards God has selected for my repurposed life came from my former self; I’m hardwired to set goals and make a plan. But it was the loving, comforting presence of God in my suffering that compels me want to do them His way.
As a recovering type A, I’ve learned to pivot—from striving to accomplish, to cooperating with God to complete the good work He began in me.
How is God inviting you to cooperate with Him this year to complete the good work He’s begun in you?
[1] Ken Gire, The North Face of God: Hope for the times when God seems indifferent (Wheaton Ill.: Tyndale House, 2005), 120.
15 replies on “Resolutions Reimagined”
Brilliant and convicting.
Thank you, Sherrie! I pray your new year is off to a healthy, happy start. Talk soon?
You’re welcome, Paula! Talk soon—maybe today or tomorrow?
I currently resonate with the breathe in, breathe out point of time in my life. The shards of my life are still scattered about. Life is still. Your words provide hope though, that there will be a time when God pieces some together as long as I remain focused on him.
Praying with you, Cheryl, in these early days of your beloved’s homegoing, that God’s grace and mercy would permeate every breath you take. Thank you for sharing.
Paula, you have a gift in writing and expressing yourself well. Thank you for these words aptly spoken into my brokenness. I DO need to find out who this new person is that God is creating in me. I have spent 40 years as a “helpmeet”, and now don’t really have a clue about walking the remainder of my journey, seemingly alone (but really I have a whole troop of friends and family). I can’t wait to read your book that Kristi mentioned! Thank you.
Welcome Leonor! It’s so nice to finally “meet” you. Thank you for your kind words and for sharing a piece of your widow’s journey. I pray this will become a safe place for you, that your story will be validated, and that God will continue to hold you close as you learn to do life without Daniel. Blessings to you and your family for the coming new year.
This is so beautifully written. I can’t wait to read your book when it is finished.
Hey Beth, thank you for taking the time to read this blog, and for stopping by to comment. I look forward to being able to linger over a cup of coffee with you again. Blessings my friend.
Your writing captures profound wisdom learned in the crucible. I’m cheering you on all the way as you share the mosaic to give others hope.
Thank you Colleen. I can’t wait to read your book . . . and will continue to pray your “baby” into the hands of those who will deliver it to us! Please keep me posted.
I am so looking forward with anticipation to reading your new book. I was hoping to purchase it today on Amazon but in this year of waiting, I will wait patiently until it is available. Thank you for living a life of vulnerability, strength, and bravery as an example to not only me, but to many others.
Thank you Anita. It is wonderful to hear from you. The book is still in process, but I will keep you posted!
Beautiful. A friend just lost his wife of 50 years. God was glorified in her death and many have come to Him. Our friend is just beginning the grieving.
Thank you Nancy! I am so sorry to hear about your friend’s recent loss . My saving grace was the presence of God in the grief. I will pray for comfort and strength as he travels that road. Blessings my friend.